The Cheekies

Monday, June 23, 2014

Religious Babies Rant: Thanks Guardian!

Yesterday, I had the delight of reading another crappy piece of journalism, this time, from The Guardian. Now normally, I don't find their articles as crappy as many other examples of bad journalism, and being online they have a good splattering of view points and are quick to update information, but as soon as you get to the opinion pieces, or even just a writer's own page, you are hit with a crap storm that rivals a busted sewage tank (and I know firsthand how bad that is). The article that's got me really pissed off today? This one, by a repeatedly offending writer. The article basically talks about something a prominent scientist and atheist Richard Dawkins may or may not have said, that babies are born atheists. The article then goes on to ridiculously assert that babies have an innate religion, hinting that it is genetically inherited by the baby, and that they have this religion since, from reading the author's other articles, what he calls the start of life, conception. PURE CRAP. DISGUSTING WRITING. Even toddlers regularly make better analyses than him, but to be fair, toddlers are far batter at it than many adults. This writer makes so many mistakes right off the bat, that it's hard to keep track of it all. First of all, he immediately begins by OUT RIGHT DENIAL of babies being atheist. No facts, no definitions of the terms and what they mean, and not a single shred of actual logic. Reading the next line, you begin to go, oh, maybe I jumped the gun. The writer declares he has not ONE, but TWO reasons he's right. Maybe there is something to this dude after all. So what is his first reason? (Paraphrasing): Well, if babies are atheists, then there aren't German or Chinese babies! The babies were just born to German or Chinese parents! NO DIP SHERLOCK. Borders and nationalities are all things humans made up to classify and group each other. There is nothing inherently different from a German and a Chinese baby save for where they fall inside imaginary lines, and the looks they inherited from their parents. It's that whole perception versus reality thing. We think we're all so different, but we all started out very, very similar, as almost blank slates. It's our parents who really shape us, and teach us the norms of whatever culture we're born into, as learned behavior, like RELIGION. 
The Truth
But I did say 2 reasons, right? Well, my bad. Apparently, the author doesn't FEEL like giving another reason. Instead, he goes on to talk about how you can change your religion, which is regarded as a human right, but you can't change your nationality. Did you NOT JUST SAY THERE WAS NO SET IN STONE NATIONALITY? Is there no quality control here? YAHOO ANSWERS has better quality control than this. In many parts of the world, you CANNOT easily change your religion. Heck, it's barely been a couple decades since when people in the U.S. would get evil stares from fellow church goers if they abandoned their church- and that's in the same general religion! Besides, today people can pretty much call themselves any nationality they want (so called '1% Italians', I'm talking to you) here at least, it's just that most people have a sense of pride for their country of birth, or ancestry (again lines on a map) so they keep the title. Today, people have traveled so far around, governments have basically given up on any real nationality identification, just asking for birth country. The author's next point is that religion makes it hard to leave a country, and nationalities make it easy (WTF is this dude getting this from? The Onion?) and that either way, it's not like an individual can make the decision to change it just by themselves. And that's where my hopes for a decently bad article fell apart. Didn't this author just say that changing religion should be a human right? And yet here he is saying, "well, nope, only when I think it's cool."

His next line, again, is just a simple restatement of his opinion, except this time he manages to screw this up too! The writer says that saying babies are default atheists is like saying they have a default nationality, or language. What's with this dude and nationalities? Again, didn't you already say babies start out with a default of NO NATIONALITY? And babies don't have a default language- they have NO LANGUAGE. Language, like religion is a learned behavior. In fact, there have been several extreme cases where because of abusive behavior, children didn't learn a language. And because of human progress, there are now children growing up not being pushed into religion, and growing up without religion, like they started. Then, the author goes on a mad rambling spree. He says that children have a tendency to "supernaturalism" and then goes on to say that they just remember seemingly supernatural things- 2 entirely different things. Children do remember things that seem to defy logic at first, but that's because they want to understand why it happened, not because of their supernaturalism or whatever. Still not helping his original argument. And finally, to end, the author says that no child can be considered ATHEIST at all, because they haven't had time to reflect on their beliefs, and think critically. WELL WHAT ABOUT RELIGION CRAP HEAD? If your statement is true, then that means children can't have religion either, since they haven't critically evaluated their beliefs, so THEY MUST BE ATHEIST. Was the author smoking crack or something when he started writing this? What is wrong with this dude? No analytical skill what so ever- I'm surprised this guy passed high school, let alone went to college! This is another example of the crappy journalism and reasoning that plagues this world today. And you know what really got me in a knot? This dude passed off the thousands of appeals and comments against his terrible logic as a SUCCESS! Well Mr., if this the kind of success you're looking for, I bet Fox News has a place for you yet. Be careful though, because even they have their idiocy limits *cough Sarah Palin, cough*.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Randomosity #2: Chicken Nuggets and a Baker

Hey guys! Welcome to another RANDOMOSITY! While I was watching the world cup, or browsing through statistics and injury news (yes, I'm that kind of fan) I found quite a bit of new material to rant about, so expect that to come your way. In the meantime however, I thought it would be nice to investigate some of the other greatest accomplishments of the human race, other than going to the moon, mapping the genome, etc. I refer of course to the invention of chicken nuggets! (Okay, so maybe I am desperate for ideas.)
Ah, chicken nuggets. A classic of the American fast food culinary arts, or at least as classical as you can get in a world of fast food. The chicken nugget had humble beginnings, invented officially in an unpatented paper as academic work by a Robert C. Baker, a food scientist who traveled the world revolutionizing the way people viewed and ate chicken. Robert, who had made it his life goal to revolutionize poultry and the industry behind it, was born in 1921 and was a New York native. He earned a bachelors degree in Cornell University, and then went on to major in the great field of Pomology, later getting a masters degree from Penn State and his doctorate at Purdue. Because of his great contributions to society, he is a member of the great American (cause this is the only place that would have such a place) Poultry Hall of Fame! Apparently, he published many papers, and also being an inventor, he made over 40 major contributions to turkey, poultry (isn't that part of poultry?) and cold cut, as well as finding revolutionary ways to bind meat and bread together. All in all, he was the father of the McNugget as we know it, and we will forever be in his debt for the fried food wonders, and heart attack hospital bills. Thank you, Dr. Baker!
But, the story doesn't stop there folks. You see, chicken nuggets actually didn't get very popular until McDonald's christened the McNugget, a full almost 19 years later in 1979. They came up with their own, patented recipe and soon released it into the wild, where it became an instant hit. Now, chicken nuggets are almost ubiquitous, a must-have staple of the American fast food diet. But, all of it goes with thanks to one man, a guy who dared to dream about cut up pieces of chicken fried and breaded to perfection. Here's to him, the Steve Jobs of chicken, the Nugget Man himself, Dr. Robert C. Baker!

Friday, June 13, 2014

World Cup! Brazil FTW!

Go BRAZIL! Hey guys, because of the World Cup, the awesome-est sporting event on the planet, I haven't posted for the past 3 days. Football (no one DARE mention that American ripoff of rugby) is one of my passions, and I've been taking some extra time to fully implement my World Cup Game viewing schedule. This time around (I've only seen 2 world cups, the one in 2010 and now), my heart is with Brazil for the win, since Nepal, my home country has almost never qualified for the World Cup (our players suck, but we're obsessed with the game), but judging from their lack luster and rudimentary performance on Wednesday, I'm not so sure it'll happen anymore.  My other favorites are Argentina, Germany, and Spain. Update: Screw you Spain! That performance against the Netherlands? DISGUSTING. You could barely PASS THE BALL, let alone make a goal. And what's up with those pathetic attempts at saves? Half the time you were just walking. The only real save you did was for the 6th goal, but that was all goalie. Okay, I just had to get that out of my system. I don't know who my 4th favorite is; everyone else just looks like they'll do well, just not enter the finals. The Dutch look good, but their opponent sucked, so we'll see.
So, here's to Brazil as the winner, hopefully they'll win this time in their own country, and GERMANY as a second. So far, this world cup has been a bit lack luster, clouded with screw ups mostly, and few moments that actually stand out as being awesome. Here's to an awesome-er match between Chile and Australia! Comment about your favorites for the gold below!

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

American Local News and Russia

Face, meet palm.
Well, it's official. We've hit a milestone here at Rants Against Humanity. Not only do we have a RUSSIAN viewer, but today I will not only be ranting against things in the news, but as the name of this post suggests, I will be ranting against the news. But first, speaking of Russians, of course I have to mention one of the MOST badass of them all (second only to good ole' Vlady Putin himself), FPS RUSSIA! (And yes, I know he's not actually Russian, but still.)

Now that that has been taken care of (I've always wanted to mention FPS Russia and connect him to Vlad), its time to get slightly more serious, and start ranting. 

Another Reason Local News Sucks
The local news. A bastard child of advertisement companies, local interns, and just to screw with biology and that science stuff, mega broadcasters like CBS and ABC. First, a little history. In the old, old, OLD days, news used to be passed around by mouth, neighbor to neighbor. People weren't very aware of the larger world around them, and they didn't really need to be, save for war and weather. Things like politics and rulers were generally irrelevant, as everything needed for life was with you or in the trading post in the nearest village, where maybe you would catch occasional local gossip. But, as times changed, and people were able to move around more, and started to gather in large cities, suddenly, being in the know became more important. Things that happened far away started to actually effect and matter in people's lives, and everywhere was more accessible, so hence the rise of print and newspapers. It was a cheap and easy medium to learn about things happening around the country and the world, and also good business. As the medium became more popular, papers started to compete, each striving to deliver the news first, or get the largest audience through writing style and topics. Still though, although news was more accessible, because of poor education, and a largely rural model of life, people could get by never reading about the news, or knowing what was happening around them. As television was introduced, and the 50s through 60s hit, another boom was experienced by the information market, and new news companies quickly swooped in to take a piece of the pie, resulting in even more accessibility, and even more profitability, with advertisements. Now, most people had access to the news, and better yet, because of the lack of channels, they would stay tuned and engaged to the news channel longer, meaning more money. Thus, news hit a kind of "golden age." News companies were able to sit back and relax, as long as they had the infrastructure to broadcast to a large population, they were good, while news papers hit their peak. But fast forward to the internet age- modern times, and news has hit an issue. Now, almost everyone has access to information, and almost immediately. People no longer need to go and watch TV for news, and when they do, it's for less and less time. Information is at their fingertips, so why bother buying a news paper, or turning on the TV? Plus, when they do turn the TV on, people are now met with hundreds of channel options, each highly specialized, which tries to catch their attention. Broadcasters are facing a crisis. How can they compete with this, a movement of millions, each sharing their voice while things are happening, and uploading them before the news company even gets a memo? How can news compete with the internet? And that's what leads us to the news of today, specifically local news, where the strain shows the most. These news companies, they're now competing with the internet by emulating and integrating with it. And that finally gets me to my rant today, the problems with local news, and modern news in general.

1. CLICK BAIT HEADLINES. The web moves at a blistering pace today, like the modern attention span. People have tons of crap blasted at them everyday, and don't really pay attention for long, so, in order get people to go "huh?" and click on their news, news companies have become INCREDIBLY sensational, creating headlines for NO CRAPPY reason just so that they have something that catches a persons eye. Take the above meme for example. That was on CNN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Just to add a pop factor, to get views, news companies have started adding things like this to their programming. Well news, SERIOUSLY? The reason people even go to the news channel is to get relevant information, not just for blaring, popping headlines. If we wanted that, we'd go to buzzfeed, or read a tabloid or other crap like that. Skipping real news for stories like this even on slow news day shouldn't happen. 

2. EXTREME BIAS. Today, it's incredibly easy to meet and talk with people who share and hold the same belief as you. This can be very attractive at times, but meeting people who share different opinions, and actually hearing them out is important to keep STUPIDITY in society at a minimum. So, whenever I see a headline like this in the news, or other things where bias is incredibly visible, I CRINGE for society. News corporations, you HAVE ENORMOUS POWER over the masses of idiots out there. By airing crap like this, you are screwing the world over just for profit! If people want to hear opinion, then they can see it under an OPINION section, but don't shove this BS at everyone, especially the people who have different opinions, or the mindless idiots who'll follow anything they see on TV. News should give people the facts so that they can think for themselves, not present it in bias. People, think critically about the stuff you hear.

3. INACCURACY. Being inaccurate just to serve your own bias is terrible journalism, and shouldn't happen in places like news channels where people depend on accurate and reliable information. In short, don't serve people bull crap, give people honest information.

So, to recap, much of news today is incredibly biased, inaccurate, and click bait. News companies, if you really want to make money, just give people honest answers, don't try and twist things to serve political agendas, and just be a bit nicer and fact based, rather than being the crap facilities you are today. It might actually work, if you give it a shot.

Sunday, June 8, 2014


Hey guys! Sorry that I haven't been posting for a while, I've just been a bit lazy, and thus haven't been posting for a while. This was originally supposed to be 7 days where I would post EVERY day, but instead, it has become a time where I've slacked_off. Sorry to everyone, but I'll begin posting again (this time on a schedule!) either later today, or by tomorrow. Peace!

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

An Idiots Guide to Stupidity

There's a lot of stupid people out there. I get that. You get that. If I haven't said it enough, that was one of the reasons I made this blog, to combat stupidity, and occasionally share my lapses into the realm of memes and useless facts. But the thing is, no matter how hard I try, it seems that no matter what, people just don't STOP being stupid. They continue to wallow in their pit of failure, and instead call me stupid. Even though I could qualify for that title during different times. As I started to look at this deeper, I realized that maybe the reason that these people simply don't get what I'm trying to say is because I've never actually laid out a guide to what STUPIDITY actually is, or a guide to what to do not if but when you discover your stupidity. Let me make this clear; WE ARE ALL DUMB. It's one of the things that defines us as a people. That, and our incredible knack to screw almost everything. The thing is, there are different levels of stupidity. Or, as I like to put it, ALL IDIOTS ARE NOT CREATED EQUAL. I like to rank how moronic people are by the Scale of Imbecility.

Here, there are 5 levels, the lower the level, the better. A person who ranks as a Level 1 on it is considered ignorant. They're not really dumb, or at least they haven't shown that they are based on the actions they've displayed. It's like they're new born babies, born yesterday. The reason they do the screwed up things they do is because they really don't know any better. Normally, if you encounter a person like this, however painful it must be for you, a quick reminder or fill in will make them act normally again. These are quite common, and the best way to deal with them is to explain to them how stupid they just were, and continue on with your life.
The next level, Level 2 stupidity offenders, the brain farts, are also fairly common, and easily curable. These are the people who aren't ignorant but because of some random reason or maybe brain-glitch, they just make really, really, really stupid mistakes. A common example is the person who walks into that random glass door. No, they aren't blind or brain damaged, they simply lost all higher brain function for a couple of seconds. Nothing major though. Just ignoring them is the best option if you find someone that does this. It shouldn't really happen very often for the same person though. 
Level 3, the trolls, is a bit more cynical. These people are simply attention seeking idiots who do stupid things like the above shown meme just for kicks. They don't care how dumb they are, or they fact that they're the reason the world's IQ has been steadily dropping. These people are the troll's in life, the people who are literally so stupid, depressed, and narcissistic that they get kicks out of making random strangers on the internet mad or offending them. Honestly, how pathetic are these people? But that's the subject of another rant...
The meme I found while digging for images for this post...
My reaction to the meme...

Then comes Level 4, the brain-dead ones. These people are SO stupid they give a bad name to people who are actually brain-dead. They literally are the bottom of the barrel when it comes to intelligence, to the point where they are a DANGER to themselves way more than the general community. Believe me, unfortunately, these kinds of people are one of the MOST COMMON SUPER-STUPID (rank 3 or higher) PEOPLE EVER. They are literally sooo stupid that NEW WORDS had to be invented to describe them. Words like ludicrous, cretin, vapid, dense, and imbecilic bastard (okay, that's a phrase...), you get the point. These people are so stupid that they will follow/do ANYTHING, and the total sum of their logical reasoning ability is ZILCH. Nada. Nothing. In fact, it's almost less than nothing because when you're around these people, as you know, they will literally drag DOWN THE IQ AND EQ of the ENTIRE ROOM. It's these people that natural selection continues for. But they aren't the worst....

The worst people, the Level 5 stupid are the pseudo-rational bastards of thought and idiocy. Or, as I like to call them, Stupid: Ultimate Edition. These are also the most dangerous kind of stupid people. They are highly aggressive, are everywhere, and the worst thing *gulp* contagious. These people are so dangerous to others because, if you actually bothered reading their name, they think they're the smart ones! For some strange reason, they believe that they are right, and are willing to do anything to prove it or convince others. This makes them deadly, since they have all the abilities of a sane and intelligent person, but are deep inside illogical. They could be anyone, and they can do anything at anytime. NO ONE IS SAFE from them. Forget the others; if they don't shape up, natural selection and evolution will take care of them. But these people... They are almost unstoppable, and no matter how hard you try, you can never reverse their stupidity. These are the people who will result in the downfall of the human race. Be careful and wary, readers. If you see any of these signs in your self, try to immediately shape up. The fact that you're reading this very tasteful blog shows there may be still hope for you yet... But if you're not careful, you could quickly become a part of these ranks, the ranks of the STUPID IDIOTS. Stay smart, my friends.